How am I going to make new friends?
Ah, the fear! It was placed in my brain the minute I walked across the stage at graduation and accepted my diploma. Then as I held my diploma up and fixed my cap for a quick picture, the anxiety of leaving Indianapolis hit me as quickly as the flash on the camera. Walking back to my seat, I ditched my original chair and went to huddle with all my College of Communication friends. I had no idea when I would see them next and I simply wasn't ready to let go.
Thankfully, following graduation, I had a week left on my lease and my best friend Katy moved in with me. The dread of making new friends back home in Dixon or wherever my job may lead me momentarily left my mind. I can honestly say Katy is one of those friends that you can't help but have a blast with. Her bubbly energy and sarcastic humor makes me laugh every single time I am with her. (If you are reading this, I miss you so much and await our next reunion!) I cannot thank God enough for placing her in my life the moment that He did. She not only taught me huge life lessons but I learned through her what it was like to truly have a best friend.
While I anticipated the next chapter in my life, I was instantly depressed thinking about not only leaving Katy and my friend group at Butler but also trying to rack my brain at how in the world I was going to make friends as amazing as what I already had. I couldn't help but take a trip down memory lane and analyze my past friendships. What was so scary about making friends post-grad? I had made friends all my life! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this would be my first time making friends completely on my own. And, I'll be honest, that scared the living crap out of me!
Finding good friends in high school was never a challenge. In my small town, the people you hung out with in first grade, you hung out with in 4th grade, then 7th grade, then high school. Friend groups didn't alter too much and I was completely OK with this. It wasn't until I started college that I realized making friends wasn't THAT hard, and a lot of times your surroundings and the things you involve yourself with create default friends for you.
Hear me out, if I didn't live in Dixon, I wouldn't be friends with the people I was friends with. If I didn't join cheerleading, my best friends most likely would not be my best friends. And if I didn't branch out and join clubs and participate in the plays and musicals, my friend group wouldn't be very diverse. So, in college, I knew I ultimatley would make friends based on the girls in my unit, the clubs I joined and (fingers crossed) the sorority I associated with. And that is exactly what happened. I got comfortable with my surroundings and made friends based off of the people I communicated with on a daily basis.
But, actually keeping friends was much harder for me than just making friends. I found myself hanging out with a different friend group each year of college, unlike in highschool where my group of friends had a strong 10-year bond. I found having long life-fulfilling friendships wasn't exactly happening for me. And, while I constantly chatted with my friends from Dixon, I had yet to find someone in college that I could reach out to over the summers or when the seasons changed.
Once, I moved into my sorority house I abandoned my freshman year friends. And it wasn't because I didn't like them (truthfully, those ladies were the most caring, selfless women I had ever met and I still treasure the experiences I had with them as a new college student), but, life got busy and both parties didn't put much effort into actually keeping the friendship alive and growing.
This pattern continously happened with each passing semester in college. Then, when I was a junior, I decided to live in my sorority house for an additional year and that made all the difference. Not only was I able to see my sophomore year friends that lived in the house daily, but I also got to gain so many more friendships with the ladies a year younger than me. I finally had broken my chain of events and actually kept some friendships past the expiration date of a year.
So, you can understand my fear when I graduated from college. The truth is I didn't want to lose these friendships and I realized that I needed to put in the effort to keep them. This became extremely real once I started to apply for jobs out in California, Colorado, North Carolina, etc. Knowing there was a possibilty that I would not be returning to Indianapolis where all my friends were was difficult yet exciting. And it suddenly seemed so clear to me, what I had been lacking all along was simple. Effort. I let life be an excuse as to why I lost touch with so many people. But when you put in the effort, and they put in the effort, a friendship can grow in ways I hadn't ever imagined.
I brainstormed ideas and made sure to make it my misson to pencil in reminders to call or text friends in my planner. I make an effort to reach out to my friends from college once a month, and likewise my best friends once a week. My Dixon buddies and I are constantly in a group chat and every Sunday we have to send three things that happened to us the week before. This keeps us always feeling engaged in the friendship and guarentees we always have something to dish about when we see each other in person.
And, now that my friends have left me from the summer and returned to college, work or graduate school, I tried to use my free time after accepting my job as a time to visit them or send them care packages to let them know that I am thinking of them.
Thankfully, at 22 years old, I feel at a really good place in my life knowing I have a handful of really strong friendships. I know these ladies are going nowhere and will always be there for me when I need them, and likewise I will always be a shoulder for them to lean on. For the friendships that dissipated over time, I still am so extremely grateful for. I am a huge believer that no one enters your life by accident. Every single person I called a friend at one point in my life taught me a lesson and that is something that I will always cherish.
Overtime, I've also learned it's not the quantity, but the quality that matters. I have some amazing ladies in my life (and men too!) but I am ready to make some more quality friends in this next chapter of my life. Of course, there is still some fear and stress when it comes to making friends in the workforce! I know that my "default" friends will come from work and who I associate with on the daily. But I can't help but wonder how else do you make friends? I know my high school and college friendships will always be the strongest ones I have, but I am not closed off to making even more.
I'm looking at you working-women! I would appreciate any advice on places to go (bars, gyms) or things to do (join an organization) in order to make friends. How did you do it? In addition, I would LOVE to hear how you and your best friend met! Please, give me a piece of advice and share your stories in the comment section below :) Thanks for reading! :)